Ben Sima Mini-Interview

This is a short set of questions I answered for Ben Sima. Ben has an awesome blog. You should check it out.

Questions are in blue, answers in black.

1. During the course of your business and personal development, who were the most important people and why? How did you meet them?

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The most important people I?ve met over the course of my adult life have primarily included speakers of The 21 Convention, although of course, they weren?t at the time we first met. I mean this in both respects that the question asked, business as well as personal.

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In business, The 21 Convention is fundamentally centered on good men, with great ideas, and the ability, intent, and motivation to communicate those ideas. I don?t think much more can be said here. T21C depends on those types of men speaking at the events, which consequently depends on me forming a relationship of some form with the speaker. Even if that relationship is heavily business oriented, there will still be an element of trust and friendship within it.

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The quote ?all business is done on a friendship level? comes to mind.

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On a personal level, select speakers have had a profound impact on my life. And when I say ?select?, I mean dozens. (To put that in context, there will be nearly 100 speakers in the history of The 21 Convention by the end of 2012).

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A speaker by the name of Socrates is a great example. He and another speaker are together, responsible more than anyone else (other than my self) for being in the intimate relationship and living situation I am currently in (14 months and counting).

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This has been a huge outlet for personal growth, a giant boost to my overall quality of life, and consequently, has also set the stage for the business to grow this past year, when circumstances were/are critical (pulling off three events back-to-back).

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Doug McGuff MD is another great example. Along with the anonymous speaker mentioned above, Doug is responsible above all else for reducing my training frequency from 7+ times a week, to a once a week frequency.

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This has not only brought sanity to my workouts, greatly increased my quality of life, and improved my physique, but it has freed up thousands of hours of time over the past (nearly) 4 years. It also sets the stage for cumulative effects to compound over the coming decades of my life ? and be lean, strong, and healthy well into old age, if not till the day I die.

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The benefits from Doug?s work over the course of my life are almost unimaginable, and they permeate every aspect of my life.

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As far as meeting the speakers, I almost always took the initiative. In this sense, I come off as calm and quiet to most people in person, but at heart, I don?t hesitate to embark on an adventure ? across town, across the state, across the country, or across the world.

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When I want to meet or open a line of communication with someone for the first time, I do whatever it takes to make that happen, end of story. The last thing I am worried about is annoying them. In fact if that?s what it takes to get a response from them, I?m happy to accommodate =).

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2) The theme of my talk is basically that the values you choose for yourself determine where you go in life. An important parallel to that is that your friends and business associates are instrumental in moving your life forward. So, you should actively pursue relationships with people that share your own core values (no doubt you can see parallels to Branden?s work in my thinking). Do you think that your closest friends and business contacts share your own core values? Do you actively pursue relationships like this? Any stories you can relate to this are greatly appreciated.

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Yes, I absolutely believe this. That you should consciously pursue relationships with people that share your fundamental values. In fact I would take it one step further and say that pursuing anything to the contrary is destructive (for the sake of diversity, variety, or some other nonsense), and in addition, a lack of this positive pursuit will leave you lost, confused, and frustrated with your relationships (business, friend, intimate, etc).

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It?s not something you can avoid. And the closer the relationship the more aligned those values need to be. An intimate relationship needs to have closer ties in values than a friendship. A close friendship more so than a business relationship, and so on.

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The reason for this is that values that pertain to existence (and not consciousness) cannot oppose each other and peacefully co-exist at the same time and in the same sphere or context. This is as true in human relationships as it is true in oil and water. The two oppose each other and no matter the degree or persistence of your efforts ? will inevitably separate, and probably not without a bit of pain and discomfort along the way when it comes to relationships of any kind.

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You need to be fundamentally compatible with the people you surround yourself with, period.

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As for my personal friendships and business relationships, yes, absolutely. But the degree varies. Attendees of the events share my core values to varying degrees. You are an example of someone who is much closer than the average attendee. Speakers share my values in all cases, but again the degree varies depending upon the person. Some are dramatically more, or less, than the other speakers.

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As you might guess, speakers that keep coming back, tend to share very similar values to my own.

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All this applies to the staff as well ? the videographer, the graphic artist, and as you might imagine, the shareholders of the company itself.

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Now a moment ago I mentioned values that pertain to existence or consciousness. In my life, plenty of the people I work with have different values than me, in ways that are optional, or a matter of preference. Some people are highly intuitive, others a lot more explicit. Some are highly aggressive in their dealings with new people, or anyone for that matter. Others are more like myself, calm and reserved.

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Some talk a mile a minute, some only talk when necessary.

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These differences are a stark contrast to the ?values? people hold in politics and epistemology, which are not matters are consciousness, but matters that pertain strictly to existence. I have little tolerance when it comes to differences on these issues, although I would not say that I have zero.

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On the flip side, I have a lot of tolerance for people who choose goals that have nothing to do with my own in life, so long as they are not at odds with reality. If you have a different favorite color than me ? I don?t care. If you like different foods than me ? I don?t care. If you talk ultra-fast, have an accent, or like a certain type of women ? I simply don?t care.

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In general, it?s hard to annoy me. I care much more about myself and my own values and pursuits in life than yours. And being aware of that keeps me on track.

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At the same time, when I witness other people getting visibly upset with other people who have different (optional) values than them, I do view that as tragic, stupid, and primitive.

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The other day for example I went to my orthopedic doctor for my last visit post surgery. There was a TV in the waiting room, with some sort of day-time soap opera on. Suddenly there were two guys kissing on the show, and an old man in the waiting lobby got visibly upset and started yelling for the receptionist to ?turn the damn thing off!?.

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This was nothing short of bizarre for me to watch. I couldn?t say I?m especially comfortable with watching guys make out, but at the same time, I know homosexuality has nothing to do with my life, and outside of a political context (a person?s right to be homosexual, to contract into marriage, etc), I have virtually zero interest in it as a subject of study.

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The fact that this was being displayed on a difficult to see TV screen, as a form of entertainment, in the middle of the day, so far removes this from any rational person?s life, it was almost beyond my comprehension to understand why this old man was so upset over what he saw (by his own effort no less).

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So the great paradox is the one thing I have almost zero tolerance for is people who are intolerant of values that pertain to consciousness. You should be tolerant of these things, and when you aren?t, you are acting like a baboon.

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People like that are highly irrational and should be avoided.

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Source: http://www.thedreamlounge.net/ben-sima-mini-interview/

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